Harry Potter and the kidney stone
by omegadood
Summary: No, this isn't based on hp sorcorers' stone, in fact its 6th year at hogwarts. In the begining a group of troubling teens do w.e they want, but through out the story they meet Harry Potter and yea..don't wanna give to much away. hp comes in 3rd chapter
1. not chap1 the begining duh

One beautiful day a little kid named Tommy was walking in the park until he saw an old lady being robbed…so he beat the living shit of the old lady and helped out the unknown man who was obviously trying to get his purse back…..actually… this has nothing to do with the actual story… so why don't we skip a few meaningless chapters of bloody, sex related, violent chapters that I'm sure you all don't want to read.. so lets start with a boring shitty story instead…

One day in the boring ass park, a big titted chick was walking for her morning 'exercise'.

Of course she was trying to pick up some rich men while they were distracted with 'other things'. Every day she'd at least get two hundred bucks out of her natural contents. So she'd use it to hook up with even richer men. Eventually she was in first class and felt like the fucking queen of England. She even had her own crown for god's sake. But a couple of bad mother fuckers ruined it for her. It all started when she moved into the 'quite' little town of Dover, New Jersey.

"Dood, my skateboard broke…" said one of the main characters. Fine I'll fuckin' fill you in! a group of teens who do stupid insane things for fun live in Dover, Emily, Will, Justin, Danny, and a couple of other people. Anyway, back to the story!

"Dood, my skateboard broke…" said Will. He held up a destroyed skateboard with a missing a truck, a wheel, and a split nose.

"Well to bad! You're not using mine!" Said Emily. A limousine pulled up into the driveway while Will and Emily argued. Everyone else, Justin, Danny, and Becka, noticed the shiny black limo. Danny walked up to Will and Emily and slapped Emily and hit Will in the nuts.

"Awwww! Dood my fucking nuts!" Shouted Will as Danny and Emily talked.

"Who the fuck is that?" Said Danny. The driver door opened and a man opened the far back door which went to the other side of the street. A beautiful woman dressed in a fancy black dress walked out of the limousine.

"I dunno but she has huge fucking tits…" will groaned in pain. She kicked Will in the nuts.

"PERV!" She shouted. Will just held it in, being to busy looking up her dress. She walked up to Emily.

"Are you Emily Hanzel?" She said.

"No! I am!" said Justin in a stand up voice.

"I wasn't talking to you!" She shouted.

"Yea I'm Emily. Who are you?" She said in a confused voice.

"My name is Ben Stiller." The now known women said.Emily looked in disbelief.

"No, really… what's your name?" Emily asked in a stern voice.

"My name is Ben Stiller, yeah I know, What a coincidence…" Ben Stiller said. Becka helped will up and said.

"If your name is Ben Stiller.. then what's Ben Stiller's name?" Everyone looked at her for five seconds and went on.

"Anyway, I would like to invite you and your friends to my ball at my new luxurious, huge, wide, pearly white, completed with the-" She was interupted by Emily.

"Yeah we get the point! Your mansion!" Emily said.

"Well then I guess I'll be leaving then, goodbye, I'll see you at the ball, the address is-" once again she was interupted.

"it's ok we can see your mansion from here.." Will Interrupted. She walked up to him and Justin hit him in the nuts. Will fell to the ground and groaned

"Why the fuck did you hit me?" Will shouted.

"cuz, it was gonna happen anyway.." Justin replied. Ben Stiller stopped and looked at Justin.

"No actually I was going to have hot sex with him but now since he's on the ground I change my mind." Ben Stiller said.

"GOD DAMN YOU JUSTIN!" Will shouted in anger. Ben Stiller got in her limousine and left. As soon as she left, 15 cars went up the street.

"What the fuck just happened?" said Becka.

"I think we were just invited to a…ball at a huge ass mansion…" Danny said slowly. Will pulled out some blueprints.

"I always thought this would randomly happen to us, so I did a few planning for what to do…" He said with a demonic grin on his face.

"Well, Don't just stand there and smile like a fag what's your fucking plan?" Emily said. He looked at Becka, then Emily, and then said.

"your at the age where you guys should start to…experiment…."


	2. the plot of fucking destruction

"OK we only got like…3 hours to perfect this, are you two ready?" asked will. Justin and Danny looked on with noticeable boners. Will looked at them, and shoved them down a flight of stairs to the basement.

"ok, now I'm more comfortable." Said Becka.

"Ok, first thing your going to do after 30 minutes of the ball, is make out. So your going to practice that." Will said.Emily dropped her jaw and simply shouted.

"WHAT! "

"dood just do it, trust me." Will said.Becka and Emily closed their eyes and made out….for 5 minutes straight.

"Are… are we bi now?" asked Becka.

"No, but your almost there." Will said. "Now, your going to fondle each other, you know, like finger fuck and shit." Will said. But when he finished he realized that they were way ahead of him. "now…your bi." He said. 10 minutes and 5 female ejaculations later. Danny and Justin finally got up the stairs to find Emily, Becka, and Will watching t.v.

"Aw god damn it we missed it!" complained Justin.

"Yeah, to bad, they were all over the place, lunging at each other, doing jumping jacks, some push ups sweating and all." Will said.

"Your either talking bullshit or sex terms." Danny said. Everyone went home to get changed for the ball except Emily and Becka, who now felt comfortable getting dressed together. They met up at Emily's house. Emily wore a black skirt and matching top. Becka wore a white blouse. Danny was wearing his usual clothes…shit. Justin was wearing some of his most ghetto clothes, and Will wore black jeans with a Bad Religion shirt, his skull necklace, and some spike wrist bands. They walked to the mansion together.

"Ok, Emily and Becka, you know what to do rite?" Will asked. They frenched each other for 5 minutes. "I'll take that as a yes." Will said a little uncomfortably.

"So what do we do?" Justin asked. Will slapped Justin and said. "Improvise.." Danny looked at Will confusingly.

"Why did you have to slap him?" He asked.

"Because, he should know better than to..to…I don't know ok! I was bored!" Will said. They reached the mansion and climbed up the many steps to the door.

Yeah i know its a short chapter but don't whine about it, grow up and read.


	3. the ball

Fancy Beethoven music was being played at the ball. They all walked in except will, who was on the ground holding his ears shut. Waiters were walking around serving random people.

"OH..MY..GOD…A FOUNTIAN OF KITTENS!" shouted Danny. Kittens were flying out of a tube, across the room, and falling into bowls of soup and such. He ran up to the fountain. They all sat down at a table near the corner, a mile away from the Door.

"Danny get over here!" Becka called out.

"Ok almost done!" He answered He walked over with 30 kittens in his pockets.

"DOOD, PUT THE KITTENS BACK!" Will shouted.

"But…But..they're only gonna be kitten soup if I do.." Danny said sadly. The waiter came over and brought everybody soup.

"Ummmm….Waiter…my bra tastes like soup." Emily said.

"Ummm oooookkkkkk…..good for you…" The waiter said freaked out.

"MY fucking god the service here sucks!" Emily said pissed off.

There was a loud gunshot in up the main staircase. Everybody screamed and panicked. They walked to the staircase and saw Ben Stiller with a gun in her hands.

"Now that I've gotten everybody's attention, I would like you to meet my friend, The famous, Harry Potter!" Ben Stiller announced. Everybody clapped. He walked down the looooooooooooooooooooooooong flight of stairs. Thirty minutes later he reached the bottom. Women and two men threw themselves at him, causing him to fall from the weight of the people in his arms.

"Please, people, don't break him, I'll need him for later." Ben Stiller said with a lingering voice.

"Ok, Becka, Emily, time to operate plan orgasm…" Will said.

"You called it plan ORGASMS!" Emily said in a pissy voice.

"Ok, Becka, Emily, time to operate plan orgasm…" Will said.

"You called it plan ORGASMS!" Emily said in a pissy voice.

"Noo, I called it plan orgasm, it isn't plural. NOW GO DO IT!" Will said. Becka and Emily pounced on each other and started to massage thier tongues together, making out. They ripped each others clothes off and started to giggle girlishly. Becka started to rub Emilies hardend nipples and she licked her cunt.

"STOP IT!" Screeched Ben Stiller. They started licking each others nipples. An unkown man had cummed his pants just by watching the random moment.

"Dood this is hot." Harry said. He grabbed Emily's face and started making out with her. Everyone started taking off their clothes, made out, and had sex, except the laughing will, the pissed off Ben Stiller, and Ben Stiller's boss, who decides Ben Stiller's amount of hard earned money. After thirty minutes of complete perverted actions, Everyone left. Ben Stiller laughed nervously.

"See you at work tomorrow, boss I don't know your name." Ben Stiller said in nervousness.

"We'll talk about your pay…tomorrow." Boss.idon'tknowyourname said. He walked out the door. Harry, Will, Danny, Justin, the naked Emily and Becka, were laughing as hard as ever.

"YOU!" Ben stiller shouted with rage.

"You ruined my ball, my pay check, and my relationship with THE Harry Potter!" Ben Stiller cried.

"Aw, It's ok, you can be friends with Ron." Harry said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" She cried louder. She ran to her room crying.

"So, want to hang out with us?" Emily asked.

"Yeah cuz it doesn't look like Ben is going to let you live here anymore." Justin said. Harry looked at everybody, scratched his crotch, and said yes.


	4. the incredible bulk

It was late at night, a full moon was shining in the dark sky, following by the shimering lights of Fbi helecopters chasing Eduardo.

Everybody was sitting in the limousine that was ordered to bring them home after the ball.

"So let me get this straight…you're a wizard who goes to a magical school called Hogwarts?" Becka said.

"Yeah, and I have a friend who can get you in if you want." Harry said. Everybody looked at each other to see if they were all alright with it. They nodded their heads yes. The rest of the ride was quite. Eventually they got to Will's house. They all got out of the limo and sat on the front stairs.

"Wait, Harry if we're going to Hogwarts, can we bring just two more people?" Will asked seeing the look on Becka's face. She looked at him and smiled

"Two more but that's it…" Harry said. Later in New York….

"Ok when you said 2 more people I thought it was my parents not ALBANA AND ELYSE!" Becka stated. She turned her back to Will. Will showed a small amount of sadness and started to walk away. Becka saw it out of the corner of her eye. She turned to Will and sighed.

"But I guess Elyse and Albana is good enough." she said with a smile. Will turned around and smiled. Becka went to Elyse's house and Will went to Albana's house. Becka knocked on the door. Elyses mom opened the door.

"Is Elyse here?" Becka asked. Elyse's mom left and closed the door. Footsteps were heard going down stairs. The door re-opened and Elyse came walking out. Becka told her about the entire thing, Harry Potter, Hogwarts, school, England. Elyse thought about it and agreed. Meanwhile at Albana's house.

"You take my daughter no where!" Albana's Albanian dad shouted. Will pulled Albana out of his clutches. They ran to the car down the block. "Thanks for helping me out I think." Albana said.

"Anytime." Will said tiredly. They all met up at the car and all got in somehow, then left for diagon alley.

Back in Dover the now evil Ben Stiller was plotting in the basement. She wrote in a notebook on how to kill everyone who destroyed the ball. Including…Harry Potter. Dun Dun Dun dramatic reverb. There was a knock on the door. Ben Stiller closed the notebook and put it in her bookcase. She took the escalator up to the lobby. She opened the door and a man in a black suit was standing outside.

"Are you Ben Stiller?" He asked in a deep serious voice. She looked at him and said yes.

"What brings you here, to my beautiful, humble, HUGE, pearly white…" she was cut off by the man.

"No longer yours mansion, Mr.idontknowyourname is taking this home to be his, good day."He said. He walked into a black jeep and left. Ben Stiller fell to the ground on her knees and started crying. She got up with a heart filled with rage. She walked to the outside elevator and took it up to the roof and got in her naval helicopter.

"If I can't live decently, others wont live! Mwahahahahahahhaha!" Said the way more evil Ben Stiller. Back in London. Harry, Will, Emily, Becka, and everybody else, sat inside the leaky cauldron where Hermione was supposed to rendezvous with them.

"So your telling me that this Hermione person can make us witches and wizards?" Elyse whispered. Harry nodded his head yes and the door opened revealing Hagrid with Hermione. "Harry!" Hermione said happily. She ran up to him and hugged him. Everyone looked at each other with expressions on there facing pretty much saying "awwww how cute" They looked back at Hermione and Harry to find them making out.

"Damn, Harry's a pimp wizard." Justin said. A few minutes later Hermione had glasses of a chunky green substance in them.

"This potion will make you all into witches and wizards, drink up!" She said with a smile. Everybody chugged it down and almost vomited back into the cup in the process.

"Now all you need is wands, books, a cauldron, and the latest pornography." Harry said.

"Why do we need the porno?" Asked Danny. Harry shrugged his shoulders and said.

"It gets lonely in there." They all did their shopping, which Harry paid for. They were walking towards gringots were harry had parked ron's car. Harry had explained during the shopping madness that they would have to all go to his house on pivet drive to gather his things for Hogwarts. they all got in the car and left.

"so Harry, how's your uncle and aunt treating you?" Hermione asked. Harry has flashbacks of the entire summer of Uncle Vernon sitting on his face when he got the morning paper and Aunt Petunia laughing at him while he was bieng pelted with rocks by his cousin dudley.

"Better than last summer." He responded. They all talked except Hermione and Harry, who were to busy trying to look at each other by the corner of their eyes, trying not to let the each other know. Harry had a noticable erection when he looked at hermiones'...eyes.

"Harry, how long have you hated your uncle and aunt?" Emily asked. Harry looked at her with a puzzled face.

"Forever, really they always made me do the dirty work." Harry answered. Will looked at Emily and saw what was going to happen.

"I know what you thinking..." Will said. Everyone pitched into thier conversation.

"Whats Emily planning?" Albana asked. Will explained to them what was going to happen when they were going to arrive at Harrys' house. They all knew what to do and where they needed to be. Eylse gave some doughts about what she was going to do but they all

convinced her to. They got to Harrys' house and they all got out of the car. Justin and Danny climbed up a ladder to the chimney. Becka and Elyse Went to the backyard and hid behind the bushes. Will, Emily, Albana, Hermione And Harry walked in the door.

"About time you got back!" Uncle Vernon shouted. He didn't notice that he had company."I should starve you and eat all your food in front of you because im fat and healthy!" He took a moment to catch his breath and then he started to weeze and cough.

"Are you sure about the healthy thing, you look kinda...lumpy..." Emily stated. Vernon had finally relized the fact that there was other people in his house.

"Yeah, i'd stop chuggin' down that lard for a few years." Will snickered. Everyone laughed except the Dursleys. Vernon Drank the rest of his lard and asked.

"And who do you think you are?" Will looked at the slide door to see if Becka and elyse were ready. They noticed him and gave a thumbs up to Danny and Justin. Justin and Danny Jumped down the chimney and shouted "SURPRISE!" The dursleys franticly screamed and ran around the house crushing the couch beneath thier feet.

"I'm your problem, that's who I am!" Will shouted over the noise. The Dursleys ran outside. Only to be greeted with warm hugs by Becka and Elyse, who were naked. The Dursleys freaked out, except Dudley, His only experience in his life like this would happen. Aunt Petunia pulled them apart.

"NOOOOOOO!" Dudley screamed. Harry ran upstairs with Hermione to pack his things.

"Hurry before they come back!" Danny shouted. The ground started to rumble. It was the stampede of a pissed off Uncle Vernon.

"Shit we have to get out of here quicker than micheol jackson at a chuckie cheeses!" Albana shouted in panic.

"What? That doesn't even make sense!" Becka said confused.

"I'll explain later!" Albana said in nervousness. The walls started to crack. Bits of the cieling were falling down.

"Incoming!" Shouted Justin. Uncle Vernon crashed through the wall. He was green, mean, and even fatter.

"OH MY GOD! IT'S THE INCREDIBLE BULK!" Shouted Emily. Harry and Hermione ran down the stairs with lugage.

"Come on lets go!" Hermione said in panic. They all ran to the car and got in. A few seconds later they were in the air. They looked back to see a green blob eating the house Harry onced lived in.


End file.
